how + why I decided to get fit
So, it all began when I was a very skinny Sophomore in high school. I weighed about 90lbs and felt extremely underweight no matter how much I ate. As someone with a fast metabolism and zero knowledge of nutrition (at the time), I felt super confused as to why I’d down calories upon calories all day long and gain zero weight. To my own disgust, I remember once in high school I ate an entire family-sized bag of Cheeto Puffs in one sitting. An issue? Yes. A concern of mine at the time? Nope. My major frustration honestly began when I walked into Hollister (lol) and barely fit into their 00 jeans. If you know Hollister, you know an ANT could fit into their 00 jeans.
Since my dad has been very into bodybuilding since his high school days, I went to him (literally) crying about how I felt so insecure with my body and that I wanted to try to put on weight. “Who even says that?”– says everyone I’ve ever told this story to. Anyways, I remember him telling me that the only way I could possibly gain any weight with my body type was to lift heavy and eat intuitively. As a 15-year-old girl, this honestly sounded like such an annoyance. I was very used to going straight home from school and taking a two hour nap to recover from the seven hours spent learning about about things I’ll never need to use IRL. In attempts to save my post-school naps, I woke up at 6am (grossssss) and went with him anyways- & that’s where my fitness journey began.
Fast forward to my Junior year of high school, I became a bit toooo obsessed with results. Like, I counted the air I was BREATHING as calories type of obsessed. I began isolating myself from the majority of my friends and refused to eat anything that didn’t consist of a piece of unseasoned protein + veggies. Now, don’t get me wrong- I was absolutely, incredibly ripped and came off as insanely happy. But doesn’t every ‘fit’ person look happy? Realistically, maintaining a competitors diet/routine longterm is absolutely not sustainable and overall not safe either. It took learning the hard way to find a balance between my fitness goals and actually having a life. I’d say that I sustained that lifestyle for a good three years… which was waaaay too long to keep my macros at such a deficiency. I wouldn’t say that I was “unhappy” through these years, but my mood definitely could’ve been lifted by a few tempura rolls now and then.
It wasn’t until my Junior year of college that I finally found a healthy balance and embraced being fit AND happy. I accepted that carbs are not created by Satan, but are actually your best friend when it comes to bodybuilding. So, a donut on leg day? HUGE vibe. I upped my carbs immensely (slowly over time, not all at once) and started actually filling out my muscles. I also figured out that a day off here & there doesn’t mean that you should fall into a hole of anxiety and declare all of your gains gone. I still train 5-6x a week, but if life starts being life & something gets in the way- I just thank God that AT LEAST I’m no longer one of those people that only eats chicken breast.
Finding a balance is the most IMPORTANT part of any fitness journey, because without it; it’s very easy to burn yourself out. Keeping your goals and your happiness in mind (and balanced) is necessary to make fitness a lifestyle! If you’re struggling with finding that balance, so many people face this struggle and it’s completely normal. Just remember, there’s a difference between dedication and obsession. Find your balance & find your happiness!
Feel free to reach out with any fitness/nutrition-related questions, I’m always happy to help!
